It’s fun sometimes for me to look back at old blog posts to read what I was doing and saying a year ago.
Like a year ago today I recapped the walk to Fire Island.
The onion rings were totally worth the walk to Surf’s Out on Fire Island. Possibly the best onion rings ever in my life.
So many posts often get lost in the blog shuffle but every now and again, I will suddenly recall a post I wrote way back in the day.
Last Friday night, when I was out with my friends for happy hour, I remembered one post in particular.
As you know, I went through my divorce a bunch of years ago. I was the first of my friends and really the first person I really even knew to go through the divorce process.
As I made the transition from married life to single life, my friends were so supportive and encouraging even though they had no experience with what I was going through at the time.
It wasn’t easy. Aside from the legal stuff, your whole life changes. And, as outgoing as I am, the party girl – happy hour – dating scene was never my thing.
My friends encouraged me to go out anyway. So I did. And when that novelty wore off, as much as my friends tried to relate and understand, they still insisted that I kept going out even though I really didn’t enjoy it.
My friends didn’t get it. They weren’t living my life, they weren’t divorced and they didn’t know how I felt or how it feels to suddenly not be married anymore.
And, even before my divorce process started, plenty of people had what to say about my decision to possibly save something that others felt wasn’t worth saving.
There’s that old saying Walk A Mile In My Shoes.
Although really we should be calling it Run A Mile In My Shoes.
I used the saying as the title of a post I wrote last year which I want to share an excerpt from with you today.
The post was sparked at the time by the sexting and online relationship drama surrounding Anthony Weiner and his run for Mayor of New York City.
Throughout it all, his wife stayed by his side even through the media frenzy involving segments devoted to the how and why she would as well as polls questioning what you would do in her shoes.
I won’t even entertain the details of this situation or what I would do in her place.
I don’t want to know what you think or what you would do either.
The truth is, none of us know what we would do in her place or in anyone’s place in any situation until we are put into that situation for real.
You may think you know, but you really don’t.
All too often, people offer their opinion on subjects they don’t know about, can’t relate to and even if they can, assume someone else should be doing something different.
I never pay much mind to what others think. If I did, I probably wouldn’t run as much or be a vegetarian.
Let’s face it – carnivores can’t understand vegetarians.
They don’t understand how or why you gave up meat and poultry and heaven for bid, if you give up fish and oh my goodness dairy too, why the heck you would want to be vegan.
Does it really matter to you what someone else eats?
And running? The how’s and why’s of all those miles overwhelm and shock those on the sidelines.
Does it really matter to you how many miles someone else runs? Or how early and often someone else gets up for Cross Fit or yoga?
So that happy hour I mentioned from last Friday?
We were mainly there because one of my best friends is actually going through her own divorce process now.
It was time for her to take the advice she once gave me and get out for a beautiful summertime happy hour on the town.
…And she was a deer in headlights.
Within five minutes she looked at me and said, “Thank you for showing me what this is like. It is quite an experience and now I understand why you felt the way you did about it. I am ready to leave when you are.”
We finished our drinks and I took her somewhere she would feel more comfortable – the mall.
We walked around window shopping and of course, I then took her to the yogurt store and grabbed a stack of sample cups so that we could taste lots of frozen yogurt flavors for free.
Stick with me, I give alternate meaning to a cheap date and a real good time.
Bloggers, do you go back and read your old posts?
Thoughts on the saying Walk A Mile In My Shoes?
Three things you plan to do this weekend? Run, Beach and find myself some onion rings…
15 thoughts on “A Mile In My Shoes”
I love this post! I find that a lot of people like to give unsolicited advice and judge you at the same time. We should be proud of others for their accomplishments and ask questions when we don’t understand rather than judge. Nice thinking out loud! 🙂
I hate unsolicited advice and do my best to never be the person to offer it.
I love that, ‘We judge when we don’t understand’. I’ve been guilty of that and, all-too-often, been the one to receive the judgement. I’m weird and quirky, I know that and embrace it 🙂
I used to be somewhat judgmental when I was younger, but the older I get, the more I’ve learned to just focus on me and let other people do their own thing. No one is in a position to judge another person — not after 1 mile; not after 100 miles; not ever. No matter what, you’ll never know the whole story, and passing a judgment only implies that you think you’re better than someone else, when really… everyone’s got shit they need to work on. Understanding is what we need more of — not assumptions, which often turn out to be completely out of line.
Yep. Assumptions are simply that. You can assume and pass judgement but until it happens to you, you will never fully understand.
I think this is an absolutely fabulous reminder. We can push our own opinions about something on others, but it’s really not under we take it from their perspective that we truly understand what’s happening/how they feel, etc. Even then, there are elements that we will never know about people, things that influence how they act, what they think and feel. It truly does remind you to take into account someone else’s experiences and life before judging.
My kids and I have a lot of conversations about being judgmental. Does it matter about the miles or how early someone gets up? No probably not but I love reading about it! I plan to photograph a few new recipes this weekend and paint 3 new photography backgrounds.
Have a wonderful weekend Meredith!
I like reading running recaps too and how early other people get up!
Weekend: Silks and Satins 5K, Saratoga Stryders Picnic, Hats Off Music Fest
Great blog post. I’m so glad you loved-on your friend like that. Indeed, truly, a lot of people just don’t “get” what it’s really like to be single. So many people think it’s a sad and awful life. It really isn’t. I feel whole and complete in and of myself. Sure, I am open to the possibility of a future husband, but I know that I…myself…am complete as a person. Unfortunately, our society lifts up being married in almost a glorified manner, over being single and single people are quite misunderstood. While I love marriage and believe it’s beautiful (and am definitely open to being married someday), I believe that those of us who are single can have just a fulfilling live, giving and loving-on, contributing to others in different ways.
Again, great blog post, Meredith. I’m glad that you have come to an acceptance about your singleness, too.
ahhh so i wrote a long comment about this and it got deleted. Just wanted to say that we need to love each other and support each other for what we are today, not by labels or history, but by character
I hate when I type up a whole comment and it deletes before I can hit publish! It is the worst.
I love this post. When my friends were out partying and casually dating, I was putting dinner on the table and learning to fight about money. Starting to date again a few years later as all the people around me began to settle down was not easy, but the support of my family and friends who didn’t understand but were just there for me was amazing.
Sometimes we are all at different points in our lives yet I find that with true friends and people we care about, it doesn’t matter and we are all still able to support each other and laugh along the way.
I love this post. I was the first of anyone I knew – friends/family – to get divorced. At 25. And just like you said, you never know how you will be until you are IN it. Now, I really have a heart for women going through a divorce. Life sucks sometimes, but those times help us be a shoulder or ear for someone else.